Sleepless Nights

It’s 11:16 here on the East Coast and as I lay awake listening to my fiance sleep talk and watching my 6 month old daughter do everything in her power to fight sleep, I cant help but reflect over the chaos and sheer fright that the last year has dragged me through.

When I found out I was pregnant with this lovable bundle of joy ..my mother had just passed from esophageal cancer and an aggressive stomach tumor. I had never felt so alone and so hopeless in my life. Losing both parents in my 26 years on this planet and having no immediate support circle or loved ones can really make a girl feel out of options. I was facing a dead end in my own eyes.

That was until I felt her flutters.

The day I found out that I was pregnant with Ayanna Cecilia my entire future flashed in front of my eyes. The love i was looking forward to giving. Her first words. Her sweet smile. Finally I found peace in my purpose which was to be a Mother… Her Mother. A flip switched inside of me and my maternal nature kicked in. I no longer felt that failure was feasible. I saw nothing but endless possibilities and was intensely motivated to be and do nothing but the best for my child. My passion to improve my quality of life in order to be the woman I need to be to care for her continues to overflow. I am ignited by this desire to embrace my womanhood in totality and continue growing and loving to the best of my abilities.

 

I am not yet defeated.

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